The sports page
Today's poem:
My heroes used to be
Mantle and Unitas
Sportsmen used to inspire glee
Now they divide us
The hoopster's charged with assault
The batter's been injecting
Yet they are never at fault
And they wonder at our disrespecting
Mighty Casey has not just struck out
He has been sued for paternity in court
And still you have some lingering doubt
Why I ignore most of today's monster called sport?
Today's thoughts:
Well, dear hearts, as I write the K.C. Royals have lost twenty straight baseball games. That is one shy of the modern record. (I pity non-baseball fans who must be forever wondering when modernity began. We baseball and recovering fans know it began in 1900, when the National League met the American in the first World Series.)
Now, it would be neat if they broke it by one but I don't want that. Nor do I want them to break it by a measly five or ten games.
Oh, no, Bubba, that dog just won't hunt. If they break it, they need to break it big, big, BIG! I will not be content unless they break it by fifteen, twenty, twenty-five or even thirty games. Yes, I want a fifty game losing streak for two reasons.
First, to expiate baseball sin in enabling Mark Maguire's sham season-length homer record that we now know was powered by steroids. (OK, we don't know that for certain but that's like saying we don't know for certain that O.J. killed his ex-wife Nicole and Ron Goldman.) That streak was bogus.
And the blissful purity of a 50-game streak is the second reason I want it. If we have it, it will stand for decades unblemished by even a whifflet of scandal. You have to know no team would be so devoid of pride as to throw that many games on purpose.
And the sheer epic scale of a streak like that is itself reason enough to want one so, as W. said, "Bring it on."
Speaking of our Demander-in-Chief, he went bike riding today with Lance Armstrong, who won the Tour de France a purportedly drug-free seven straight times. I am sorry Armstrong has gone over to the Dark Side but we always have Michael Moore and Jane Fonda, don't we?
Bush will be campaigning for the war the coming week so I won't be low on joke material for awhile. (Campaigning for war; isn't that a heartwarming concept?)
But tomorrow, World Youth Day, Benedict and other lighthearted fair.
Keep hoping.
My heroes used to be
Mantle and Unitas
Sportsmen used to inspire glee
Now they divide us
The hoopster's charged with assault
The batter's been injecting
Yet they are never at fault
And they wonder at our disrespecting
Mighty Casey has not just struck out
He has been sued for paternity in court
And still you have some lingering doubt
Why I ignore most of today's monster called sport?
Today's thoughts:
Well, dear hearts, as I write the K.C. Royals have lost twenty straight baseball games. That is one shy of the modern record. (I pity non-baseball fans who must be forever wondering when modernity began. We baseball and recovering fans know it began in 1900, when the National League met the American in the first World Series.)
Now, it would be neat if they broke it by one but I don't want that. Nor do I want them to break it by a measly five or ten games.
Oh, no, Bubba, that dog just won't hunt. If they break it, they need to break it big, big, BIG! I will not be content unless they break it by fifteen, twenty, twenty-five or even thirty games. Yes, I want a fifty game losing streak for two reasons.
First, to expiate baseball sin in enabling Mark Maguire's sham season-length homer record that we now know was powered by steroids. (OK, we don't know that for certain but that's like saying we don't know for certain that O.J. killed his ex-wife Nicole and Ron Goldman.) That streak was bogus.
And the blissful purity of a 50-game streak is the second reason I want it. If we have it, it will stand for decades unblemished by even a whifflet of scandal. You have to know no team would be so devoid of pride as to throw that many games on purpose.
And the sheer epic scale of a streak like that is itself reason enough to want one so, as W. said, "Bring it on."
Speaking of our Demander-in-Chief, he went bike riding today with Lance Armstrong, who won the Tour de France a purportedly drug-free seven straight times. I am sorry Armstrong has gone over to the Dark Side but we always have Michael Moore and Jane Fonda, don't we?
Bush will be campaigning for the war the coming week so I won't be low on joke material for awhile. (Campaigning for war; isn't that a heartwarming concept?)
But tomorrow, World Youth Day, Benedict and other lighthearted fair.
Keep hoping.
posted by DAVID P. RUNDLE at 8:45 PM
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